0 Alone? Not.

The start of 2014 has been filled with drama and tears. Admittedly, I am now starting to feel my fear, the fear of being alone.

Last December, bro left for Miami. The holidays, somewhat erased this negative thoughts but it wasn't absolute. 

Yesterday was Papa's birthday. Seeing my mom's post plus the way she reacted during Pa's death anniv last December 31 just proves how much she's missing him, though she wouldn't show it. 

That hit me, hard. I miss my family. I miss spending Sunday lunches together. Or the long rides to Laguna in our trusty owner-type jeep and stopping by somewhere in Antipolo to enjoy some roasted chicken and rice thus having an instant picnic by the side of the road.

I don't have a picture-perfect family. Growing up, the happiness turned bitter. In a way, I wished my family remained happy. But maybe there is a bigger purpose why things turned out to be this way now. I may not say this often but though my parents weren't the best life partners or perfect husband or wife to each other, I could say that they have been, in their own way, the right parents for me and bro. 

In the midst of my confusio I asked myself: "how could one still love someone who has caused you pain?" Guess, the love was totally unconditional. Just like how God loves us.He might have been judged wrongly, called names and all but still He forgave us and redeemed us from our sins. 

The mass earlier made me realize a lot of things. The most important message though is that I am not alone. I have friends who love me and guides me to the right path. I have my family, who though far, still sees to it that they do love and care for me. My brother, before he left, even secretly told my cleaning lady "bantayan mo si Ate, Manang, wala na syang kasama." My mom who constantly checks on me and my dad, whom I feel is watching me from afar. Lastly, I have God. I may not see him, but he reaches out to me and comforts me. 

Yes, Lee, you are not alone. YOU ARE SPECIAL. 

Feeling blessed, 

LeeLai