0 Unreliable Ako. Bow,

Ipinagkakanulo na ako ng mga luhang pilit sumisilay sa aking mata. Manhid na ang pakiramdam. Pagod na ang isip na umintindi. Na pagbulayan kung sino ang tama, ano ang mali o saan nagkamali. Mahirap pakitunguhan ang damdaming samu't-sari. Hindi pa man nakakapagsalita'y pagod na ang mga labing usalin ang mga paliwanag.

Unreliable.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na alam kung saan lululugar, kung paano makikitungo. Siguro nga'y sadyang hindi ko binigyang pagpapahalaga kung ano mang bagay ang meron ako. Ngunit paano mo pahahalagahan ang isang bagay na sa simula pa'y minarkahan ka na. Na alam mong kahit anong pilit mong ipakita ang iyong kakayahan ay hindi yun magiging sapat upang umabot ka sa standard. Maaring masyado akong naging "petiks."

Sabi nga, sa isang libong tamang iyong gagawin, ang isang pagkakamali ay magdudulot ng lamat na higit sa dami ng tamang naipakita. Sadya bang mas madaling sabihin ang panlilibak kesa umusal ng papuri't pasasalamat?

Siguro nga'y sadyang balat-sibuyas lamang ako, o di kaya'y nasaling ang pride. Aminado akong nakagawa din naman ako ng pagkakamali. Siguro nga'y mas naging matimbang ang aking mga pagkakamali.

Isisi na lang natin ang lahat sa akin ng matapos na ang rigodon...

0 Days Short Before 2010

Working my way to having a better and more fruitful year ahead.
WoW from someone in the land of maple leaves:

"If it's not working already, learn to let go..."

I will in a...
Month
Week
Day.

1 Click!

I know am still sloppy in terms of using my new baby but still lemme share to you some pics

0 The List

The latest members of my gadget/goodies kingdom

a.) Canon EOS 1000d
b.) Boxing uniform
-- Nike Cross Trainers
-- Yellow Hand Wraps
-- Boxing Shorts
c.) Red Swatch watch (got it for free baby!)
d.) 350 gig Fujitsu HDD
e.) A Starbucks planner

Wish list:

a.) A pair of purple 8oz Twin gloves
b.) Coffee maker
c.) Electric Fan
d.) Stove Top Oven
e.) DVD player

In the list which I made last year, here are my so-called accomplishments

a.) A Passport
b.) A Sun Cellular phone line
c.) Credit card approval
d.) A touch-screen mobile phone

And these are the things I miserably failed to do: (very lazy me)

a.) Submit my masteral requirements on time
b.) Get an SSS ID
c.) Visit NHMF regarding our home mortgage
d.) Settle dad's death claim
e.) Open a bank account

1 Inked

I now dub thee
"Water-bearing Hibiscus"

0 That salty water from the windows of one's soul

Working from home over the past month has given me a lot of idle time to reminisce the things that occurred this year. It is ending anytime soon but I feel like there are still a lot of heart-stopping moments about to unleash. With all those emotionally-challenging events, it is but amazing that tears were never a constant companion. In fact, it swayed away from stinging my eyes. One of the two, am already too numb or past circumstances had already molded me to become strong.

This coming thanksgiving, am planning to run away somewhere far. I know that island is such a happening place but to be in the company of strangers for days somehow gives me that inner peace since I don't have to deal with explaining myself. I could cry by the shore or sit by the rocks, write things in the sand, have my body tattooed and nobody would give a shit.

And yes, I miss the feeling of having cried my heart out... It makes me feel better. Guess I've cried my share when pappy left... :(

0 Solitude

While...

~raindrops kept pouring outside like there's no tomorrow
~everyone's getting married or preparing for motherhood
~some are enjoying being with their love

Here I am...

~ listening to the rhythm of the rain
~ sipping a hot cup of coffee
~ enjoying the bliss this solitude brings in the land I call 'home'

Alas! Life though not perfect but indeed at its finest... :)

1 Preso Kalayaan

Bukas, sa isang pirasong papel ay lalagda ako upang maging ganap na isang taumbahay.
Madami pa ang maaring mangyari, pero ang alam ko, siguro'y paraan na ito upang magsimula ako ng bago, mas bago. Ilang taon ko na ring iniinda ang mumunting kirot na hatid ng paligid na aking ginagalawan sa nakalipas ng dalawang taon. Sadyang kaybilis lumipad ng mga sandali. Heto ako ngayon at kumakawala sa bangungot ng kahapon, hindi sa paraang patakas bagkus marahil ay natapos ko na ang takdang taning upang inidahin lahat ng pait at makamtam ang kalayaang sadyang dapat ay matagal ng napasaakin. Malungkot ang maging tila preso sa apat na sulok ng aking tahanan ngunit na nakalipas na panahon ay naging piping saksi ang mga pader nito sa mga hikbi at luhang aking pilit na kinukubli sa mata ng madla. Sigurado, maraming bagay akong hahanap-hanapin. Ang tunog ng kalyeng sa simula pa'y mababakasan na ng kaginhawahan. Ang mga nagkikislapang ilaw sa mga mall at gusaling aking araw-araw dinadaanan. Ang busina at usok ng tambutso mula sa mga pampasaherong bus. Ang pikikipagsiksikan sa MRT, pagpilit gumising ng maaga upang dumating lang din naman ng late sa trabaho. Samu't saring bagay na naging parte na ng aking pang araw-araw. Alam ko, hindi ito ibibigay sakin ng walang dahilan o kung walang buting idudulot. Marahil panahon na upang pagbulay-bulayan ko ang aking mga saloobin, mga paniniwala at mga adikhain. Hindi ako sumusuko, bagkus humaharap ako sa panibagong yugto ng aking buhay. Sa mga nakasalamuha, nakatalamitam, nakaututang-dila at nakasalsalan ko ng isip...SALAMAT.

Oo. Marahil ako'y tila magiging isang preso sa aking mumunting sulok. Pero ang pasyang ito'y mas magdudulot ng mas malalim na kalayaan sa aking puso't isipan.

Hanggang sa muli bayan ng komersyo...Salamat sa mga alaala...

1 Next Chapter Please

Shock was indeed an understatement.
Human I am. I won't pretend that everything's fine. I'll cry a tear or two, but after that, I know I'll be better and far stronger. No use to crying over spilt milk.
We are all matured enough to face another day.
And to move forward to a more colorful horizon.

Whatever is in store for me, que sera sera...

0 Try

Try honesty.
Really.
It ain't a bad thing.

0 Gonna Catch Yah

After waiting for weeks and tons of good reviews from family and friends, I decided to give in...

See yah later, alligator!

0 Bull's Eye

So me. Exactly. Thanks Amber!

1 Pluma

Minsan parang ayaw ko ng sumulat.
Bakit?
Dahil parang hindi ko rin naman makuha kung anong gusto nila
At alam ko rin namang
Markado na ako.
Na hindi ako sing-galing tulad nila.

Sabi ng isang kaibigan, wag daw mag-alinlangan
Dahil ang antas ng talino ay iba-iba
At tiyak mapapanglaw ang may lalang
Pag ang talento'y di pinagyaman.

1 Onion Layers

According to the Social Penetration Theory, getting to know a person and starting to build rapport is rapid at the start but it becomes slower when one starts getting deeper and already nearing the inner core of the other person, which could range from his deep dark secrets, emotions and deep-seated values. Just like an onion, it gets tightly packed on the middle. Getting to the core means dealing with the depth and breadth of the person, which can be really touchy.

There is also a point when one depenetrates in a relationship, let's say something bad happens and you decided to start staying away from the person. You get to move away from his inner to outer core little by little until such time you become plain old acquaintances.

Lately, it seems like this whole theory is getting on me, on the reverse side though.

Little by little, am starting to move inch by inch away to most people. Or so I think.

Or maybe the circumstances lead me to this feeling and that it is not I who is moving away but them.

And during this times, I abhor studying communication theories... :(

0 The Gamble

The matters of my heart has become a hot topic for most of my gal pals from different circles over the past couple of weeks. Nobody's betting on who or what, however, they are unanimously rooting for a particular person, telling me that if the guy makes me darn happy then I should go for it.

One friend even compared this heart game into a card game, she explained to me all her cards, all her options. She even said something about her prayers. However, at the end of the day, she reiterated that she won't gamble me that easy. That she, along with another circle of gal pals, will hate to see me crying a river again. She also cleared that she ain't the one involved here and the decision will still come from yours truly.

Yes girls, I certainly agree. All your options were so damn pleasant to the ears. But still, it is anybody's ballgame. And we don't even know how is it going on his end. I can only wonder and hope and pray. However, I believe that if God would allow it, then I can say that yes, there truly are miracles.

Que sera sera...

0 Getting Hitched

Two years ago, I met this wonderful lass. Lil did we know that we would become really good friends. To my surprise, she woke me with her text message last August 8, informing me, that yes, as the title of this post goes she's getting hitched August 15.

Initial Reaction: Dropped jaw, really erratic heartbeat and a short "EWAN" sms.

Lemme share the scenario. About a month ago, she asked if I could help her arrange her "cousin's" wedding. The dutiful friend that I am agreed. I emailed her notes, texted her reminders and gave her a call whenever she has queries. Out of the blue, I told her in one of our conversations, "If I know, this is your wedding that we are preparing..." Zoom in to August 8, yes the running joke boomeranged on me. It was her wedding all along. Christ!

She even misinterpreted my reaction that I wasn't happy for her. It ain't true. You may have told me the best and the worst times of your relationship but it does not give me the right to be unhappy. On the contrary, I am truly happy.

I being her dutiful friend, agreed to be her wedding coordinator/emcee.

Fast track to August 14. Note to self , not to sleep beside the bride the night before her wedding. You won't get a good night sleep. Seriously. ;)

August 15. The ceremony went the way the groom and the bride wanted it to be. And am so happy to be able to contribute and make their dream come true. A bonus was that though it was raining cats and dogs outside, it was raining men at the venue. Handsome guys in their own rights. And I was able to meet fun people who were also willing to make the event fun as well.

Funny part of the wedding was when the groom asked me to sleep with them at their condo unit. I politely said no. What the hell am I suppose to do there? Judge? Referee? Or scorer perhaps? You decide...

To the newlyweds, need I say more? I have already written those on the dedication notebook.

Oh wait, looking forward to the pictures though... And to my future God child... :)

1 Inferior

How to explain being little?
Is it
Being vertically challenged?
Or
having less cerebral prowess perhaps.

How do you gauge greatness?
superiority?
intelligence?

And when one feels inferior
who is to blame?
is it
himself?
the superior ones?
or
the standards?

1 Hey You

Hey you, yes you...
I wanna let you into what I feel
The nostalgia you bring during my solitude
A bliss that turned into longing

Hey you, yes you...
I crumble, I stumble
I may not look so
But God knows I do...

Hey you, yes you
In a line I put these verses
Plain and simple
I miss you.

0 Dreaming of a White Graduation

Now I realize, I love being in school and challenging my mind in studying people and how the society walk/talk/react.

What was more amazing was when my undergrad thesis was passed around the class by our professor as an example. Though I was so happy to see how they scan through the pages and felt so proud about my work, I also felt pressure...pressure on the underlying, unexpressed, expectations. In a few weeks time, I am going to face the same people who took a glimpse of my sample work and answer all the nerve-racking questions as they scrutinize my paper.

Some classmates jokingly stated they wanna drop already. Research writing ain't a piece of cake really. It just takes time and deserve utmost attention, or lemme say dedication.

I know one day, am gonna march that stage wearing that white thingamaging around my neck (sorry, dunno the term for that color-coded cloth you put above your toga, hehehe!)

But for now, back to reality, starting to work my ass again...

Till then...

0 The Trouble with Economics

Twas a warm Sunday when my younger brother and I decided to go out to splurge moolah and make stores richer (we haven't done that for months now). He was contemplating whether or not to buy a DQ or a cup of frappuccino since, upon his observation, a cup of Blizzard at Trinoma costs more that how it used to in other branches. And so the conversation goes:

Scenario: Headng to All Flip Flops, he was walking ahead of me.

KidBro: Bakit ganun, sa DQ Araneta Center, cheaper yung Blizzard tapos mas malaki yung size, bat dito, same price smaller size?
Me: Really? Well ganun talaga, recession eh, lahat na halos nagmahal.

He slowly looks at his back, caught my eye and said

KidBro: Oo nga ate eh. Ikaw na lang ang hindi nagmamahal.

And there I was, standing and staring at him. The only thing I was able to utter was a sarcastic "Salamat ha."

So much for knowing the world's global recession issue.

0 Going Vintage

1972 Chevrolet Chevelle Super Sport



The 1966 Chevrolet Corvette Sting Ray (C2)



The 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air Convertible

The 1966 Mercedes Benz W133

Some kewl rides displayed at SM The Block last June 21.
Pimp my vintage baby!

0 Still Your Little Girl

I thought I was strong, but hell I long for that one person who has taught me to laugh despite broke and disabled...my pappy. And am missing him so darn badly I ended up crying.

0 Zane+Moi= Out of the Blue Trips

Twas the 23rd of May, after the tedious campaign, Zane and I decided to reward ourselves. At around 6 p.m., we are aboard a bus at Cubao to Tagaytay. Seiously, we aint have a clear plan of what we wanna do, we just wanna go there. Three hours later, we are both beaming as we reached Tagaytay rotonda. Since everything was pretty unplanned and we are both "newbies" in the area (we have been to Tagaytay but this was our first time to come there on commute), I felt kinda lost seeing only colorful lamposts. After a short prayer asking for guidance so as not to be lost, I saw the sign...it aint the shinning star of Bethlehem but the distinct green logo of Starbucks. Without second thoughts we went down the bus and explored the lights and sights of Tagaytay by night.

Let our photographs tell the rest of our unplanned trip




bus ride to Tagaytay: Fare: 121 bucks



At Leslie's entrance...boy we're hungry not only with food but with photos to treasure the night




Zane's contemplating what to have for dinner (for sure there'd be no more chocolate cupcakes...hehehe!)






Dinner is served!

Menu: Since we are on a tight budget, we opt for simple yet delectable Sinigang na Tanigue. Yummy!




After feasting...Zane acted as a fairy godmother and granted my long term dream... coffee @ Starbucks Tagaytay

0 To The Light

Whether it was second childhood or a simple craving that you wanted a ginormous pizza or a steaming bowl of Chinese noodles, don't worry 'coz twas cute.

The glow in your eyes when we were in your so-called playground of endless silvers and chinas, and found joy by just merely looking at them was indeed precious.

The way you laugh and cheer whenever we beat the computer opponent in Family Feud sounds really melodic.

If only I could capture and preserve these moments, I would.

You are cool and smart
Brave and loving
Patient, patient, patient

What more can I ask?

For the person who loves me and kid bro unconditionally

Beyond our tantrums
our hardheadedness
No matter how fat or ugly we feel, still you see us as your beautiful lil angels.

To you our light, a day of delight.

I love you.

0 Just so you know

It ain't that easy...really.
For now
Just let me be.

0 Silver

It began today...25 years ago
The start of an ardor that lead me here

It may have ended on a sad note
Still I need to be grateful

Thy bond may have been broken
Six-feet under the other half went

To you I offer who I am now
You made me whole, my existence complete

I love you.

0 And so The Script kinda read my thoughts

It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day that you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain

So explain to me how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed
It was Dublin city on a Friday night
With vodkas and coke, I was getting insomniac

We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Oh, who would've thought it would end up like this

But everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on
Was trying to take it back before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we met
Before our hearts decided it?s time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Let's try and take it back before it all went wrong

0 Bangin

Ako.
Nalaglag.
Bangin.
Malalim.
Madilim.
Sumisigaw.
Tulong.
Liwanag.
Ga-hibla.
Nababanaag.
Umaahon.
Pilit.
Bato.
Kinakapitan.
Dahan-dahan.
Uusad.
Ngunit.
Unti-unti.
Bumubulusok.
Pabalik.
Tumatagal.
Lumalalim.
Ako.
Nananatili.
Nahihirapan.
Naghihintay.
Sumisigaw.
Umiiyak.
Pag-asa.
Pilit.
Binaabanaag.
Nagbabakasakali.
Gigising.
Umaga.
Nakaahon.
Nakausad.
Bangin.
Bangungot.
Ako.
Magpapaalam.

0 10 Years of Rated_PG

A toast to ten years of
fun,
tears,
joys,
pains
and most importantly
unwavering friendship!

Yeah, we are certified Beerkadas!

No matter how bad sounding "Patay Gutom" is
We have given the term a new twist...

"Patay Gutom" = relieve hunger

We long to conquer hunger with good food, hearty laughs, humor and witty conversations.
Or simply choose to "Go Green" even in simplest things.

Long live our intertwined stomachs!

0 If Only...

Rather slap me than tell me that I don't wanna do things for you 'coz you know it ain't true.
It's not just you who have burdens.
It's not just you who's stressed out.
It's not just you.
Think of the people 'round you, their situation.
You don't own the world's greatest miseries, there are some who carries a greater load than you.
Don't just throw accusations and point fingers.
Try asking why.
If only you know.
If you only ask.
Maybe, if you just try
You gonna hurt people less.

0 Responsibilities and Longings

Got a lil loaded over tons of writing blah. But I did, however, accomplished a lot of things the last few days that makes feel all adult and responsible. Been back to reading paperbacks lately as well. Makes my life a lil normal now but still having some questions popping my mind and tasks waiting to be done.

While things are getting somewhat normalize, my alter-ego still possess unbearable longing of some sort.

Time will pass...it will get by.

0 One Down

Already finished one semester of my masteral. It feels good to know that your hard work gets appreciated (Doc Joey's commendation about our paper's so damn cool!). I still have to make a module and curriculum though. Statistics exam went well too. (Chicken as what I told my cousins but I pray it doesn't give me and egg...nyeahahahahaha!!!)

Still have Org Comm to face.

So far so good...:)

0 Wishes

Been getting a lot of answered wishes lately.
Ain't that good though, coz' it leaves me all the more confused.
Zane's right.
I should be careful about the things I wish for.
Seriously.

0 Simple life

And I thought life can be a little less complicated this time.
I assumed wrong.
Totally.

0 Just a Thought iii

Would you deny being in a relationship with someone when the only reason that he left you is because he...died?"

How do you answer the question "Are you in a relationship?" when the only reason you are no longer with him is because he passed away. Do you say YES, and take the pains of narrating each heartbreaking detail that will send you to tears later on or simply say NO and feel guilty of denying the person who holds your heart.

Tough...really tough.

To my new found buddy...I feel you.

0 Of Aprons and Boxers

Your nearness sends me to the highest
The 911 of my distress
So close...real close
Only in my dreams

0 And so they think am a sports buff

First is my "all canal" stunt in that so-called OU bowling tournament.
Yeah it was. *Shame on me*

But lemme redeem myself a little, it was my first time to play ten pin bowling in my 24 years of existence. And I came there just for fun. Having the balls all canal makes it all frustrating and funny at the same time. Its like every bowling ball I touch gets cursed and are bound to that sidelines.

Now, our good ol' El President just sent me an SMS informing me that I'll be playing badminton on Saturday. What makes it harder for me to say no was the fact that the program chair requested that I play. Jesus!

I know I can somehow score on this one but am already rusty. The last time I played serious badminton was for the love of grade during college freshmen PE.

This is getting somewhat like hell...

0 Just a Thought ii

Being a member of the cultural minority does not give you the license to coerce and harass people to give you alms and is not an excuse for you not to work and to depend solely on other people for your daily living."

I have nothing against our brothers and sisters from the cultural minority but what happened to me is such a scary experience.

0 Red Letter Day

To my bro and Zane, who are both adding a new chapter in their book like I do, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

0 New Titles

In a span of one week, I have already bought 5 books, 2 of which I got for Buy 1 Take 1 @ 99Php. Nice!
Titles that are piled up for my future readings are:

• Mac Arthur
• Ang Alamat ng Gubat
• The Painter (A Novel of Rembrandt's most secret seduction)
  
• Low Red Moon
• The Webster Chronicle

Am still not yet through with Amy Tan's Joy Luck Club... O.o? O well, I could always collect them then read later. Hihihi!

0 Weird and New Things

10 Weird Things

RULES: Each player of this game starts off by making a weblog post, listing ten(10) weird things/habits or little known facts about himself/herself, then tagging six (6) other bloggers to do the same. No tagbacks.

1. Sending me to a good night sleep means having my mom slapping gently my thighs ("tapik tapik as what I call it.)

2. My fave condiment in the world is vinegar and am afraid of pale-colored ketchups (quite chossy when it comes to the latter).

3. I'd rather see real life mumus than enter a horror booth, ride a horror train or watch a horror flick.

4. Am starting an arachnid collection particulary tarantulas.

5. I can't stand BO (body odor). I'd even text my friends if I smell one but can't vent it out in public.

6. I used to do voice overs at school, but I always get guy roles (my voice qualifies for bad guy villain, rapist or mafia leader than a sweet little girl or bitchy lady as they say).

7. My greatest frustrations are: being the CAT Corps Commander and Theater Artist

8. Give me a room that's messy, I'll leave it as it is, even messier. Give me a clean room and the OC in me comes to life.

9. I share most of the special ocassions in my life with my kid bro. (same bday, same graduation day, etc. etc.)

10. I remove the peel of bottled beverages first before I drink it.

8 NEW FACTS...

In the 8 facts about you, you share 8 things that your readers don’t know about you.

Then at the end, you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going.
– Each blogger must post these rules first.
– Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
– Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
– At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
– Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I love the waters but whenever I can no longer touch the sea bed, I tend to panic.

2. I always amaze and frustrate my friends whenever we do shoe shopping. I am picky with my shoes and whenever I find the style I like, the next big question is the size (am size 5). Am already so used of hearing "last size na po yan eh" or "smallest size display lang po" (when did it ever happen that the smallest shoe size is 7?!) And when I don't get my size or the style that I like, I throw tantrums and blame it all to myself.

3. Win me not with chocolates and flowers but with a good book, nice conversation and hot mocha. (But tulips, preferably lavender, is another story)

4. I work easier with guys, gays and girls-who-think-like-guys than with girly-girly girls.

5. I can be jack of all trades and love DIY. Screwing nuts and bolts, assembling cabinets and electric fans, painting the walls, etc. etc.

6. Birthdays should always come with a birthday cake.

7. Love shades, flops, sand, the sunset, moon and stars. Waterfalls are majestic. HHWW by the sea and kissing under the brightly lit moon romantic.

8. I think I can beat you in billiards. ;p

0 Eat and be merry

The past week has been a play of taste and mouth-watering goodness. First stop, the newly renovated, rock-oriented H&E (Heaven & Eggs). From a homey, garden breakfast setup, its interiors have been painted to both express art and rock. Its chandelier, a combination of LP vinyls and discoball lit the whole resto. The menu was also overhauled to carry the names of famous rockstars with their classic dishes.

SFX: Nirvana Unplugged followed by Maroon 5 MTVs.

Sample of their heart-stopping dishes:




Next stop:

After two days of attempting to stop by for dinner, we were able to eat at JiPan last Friday. Judging the food, presentation is A++, with a taste like your eating in one of Japan's side street food houses.

0 Change is Coming to America

Currently doing: Watching Obama's sworn in.

Obama fever just getting started. Goodluck!

0 Somebody

So she's on the road finding that someone "matino" for me.
If she's gonna select one, boy, looks like this one's gonna be a little scary.
I hope she realizes that we are opposite poles in terms of defining "matino"
Good Luck!

0 Stayin' Connected

Alas! Havin' a broadband connection is addicting.
A perfect cure for sleepless night filled with tons of creative juice. Makes me wanna blog all the more. Hihihi!

0 ...

Here we go again...
Please
Do not make me wish all the more

0 Till We Meet Again

It took some time for me to be able to gather my strength and write my farewell to one important person in my life.

December 31, 2008

What seemed to be a happy new year to some became the most clouded day of my life. I woke up hearing the labored breathing of my dad, who was seated in front of the television. At the back of my mind, I know it was the day, though in my silent prayers am hoping that the nurses could still do something about it. That he could still be revived. I must have drank an ample dose of courage for me to be able to accept the bad news, he was DOA. At around 5 a.m., he already left me and my bro.

I tried to be as calm as possible. Being her daughter and the eldest immediate relative, I faced some of the hardest questions of my life, questions that I wished school has taught me. But really, the harshest lessons in life are from reality. Burial, casket, transit and interment. I have to be responsible for those. I called my mom, who calmly accepted the news and prepared the necessaries for my dad's transfer to Laguna. Calling his siblings however, was a different story.

My aunt, bro and I sat beside his casket during the trip home. I must thank the funeral parlor cause they really took care of us during the whole trip. My dad still looked "gwapo" in his barong and gray slacks.

13 years ago, I could still vividly recall my lola's death, the same date as my father's. Then, we still celebrated New Year and had our share of games. But now, things have totally changed. No New Year greetings and cheers. Me, mom and bro tucked together and slept peacefully amid the blast of firecrackers outside, for the next couple of days, sleep will be out of the picture.

The wake lasted 3 days and 3 nights. Friends and relatives come and go expressing their
support. Travel to Nagcarlan is a feat, and the effort alone to get there and be with us during our darkest days is more than enough to be thankful for.

His sent off was peaceful, the sun shone brightly that day. The church was filled with family, friends, relatives and colleagues. He was accompanied by my cousin's little angel, Edward Albert.

Pappy is now at peace and sleeping. I know, his now smiling at me together with Ina, Ama, and his sibs above. I may have not been very vocal to him about it, but pappy, I do hope that you felt how much I care for you. Yes, maybe I am truly a papa's girl, though I may not admit it. I'm sure gonna miss you. Our kulitan, the laughter, the way you wake me every morning and remind me that I need to go to work. The way you tease how chubby I am and how I would retort "di bale, cute naman ako."

One day, our roads will meet again...

I love you.

0 Just a Thought i

Minsan hindi mo kailangan ng PAYO. Ang kailangan mo lang ay isang taong MAKIKINIG."