0 Battered

Never thought that the one guy I was trusting not to hurt me both physically and emotionally (not in a million years) did just that all at the same time. The one guy who is supposed to love me unconditionally despite all the dramas and shits. The one guy who came from the same womb as I do, who celebrates the same natal day as I do had just, well gave me the most number of injuries I had, for the record, in my whole damn life. Forget about the physical pain, it can heal. But a wounded heart and a shattered respect plus the drama that yes, I might really be the person he accuses me to be but its just that no damn brave soul can tell it straight into my face (being a kabit, tamad, bobo, tanga and yes the most hurtful Pinoy curse one can throw in the name of your mom) will never be cured by a mere bandage or a head xray (which I might just need now) coupled with mefenamics and topical painkillers.

Yes I am battered.

1 Stagnant

For some reason, I feel like am stuck in a big bad mess full of revelations and uncertainties. I still harbor some thoughts that make me really blue. Yeah I must say, I guess this is a matter of being contented with the things surrounding me. And my inner wishes of someone to understand and comfort me rule.

But here I am searching for the unknown.
I am not living, I am only existing.

Hell... this ain't right...

I should know how important the 5Ws and 1H, yet no matter how I have mastered those, am still not able to use it to its fullest. I cannot even apply the theories to the way that I am suppose to live my friggin' life.

IN this little space, I can be all emo, all sad and I couldn't care less as to how people would perceive me. After all, they have already created an image of me far beyond who I really am.

Hell, this is just one shitty crap re-written and re-purposed all over again and I HATE it!

0 B for Betrayal

Betrayal of trust in friendship is equal to:

~end of all communication
~crumbled circle of friends (or taking sides for that matter)
~hurtful words thrown here, there and everywhere.

However, should this be patched, still it would be hard to mend a cracked trust.

0 Snaps

Finally completed my basic photography course. The verdict: Amazing!

Coming up with a good pic is hell tasking, but who am I to complain? I am sooo loving it... :)

I had lots of realizations during the workshop, plus I gained a new batch of friends. Kewl indeed!

0 The day I start MISSING

Sometimes no matter how toughie my exteriors are
I still crave for girly things most girls do
Like long walks in the park, kisses under the moon, feeling another hand entwined with yours
Preparing your meals, sharing with you my dreams
Simply put
loving.

Sometimes

I miss being with you.
I dunno.
Though I wonder

Do I miss you?
Or do I miss the things we used to do?

1 Stepping Back

After my long letter and some sort of revenge I am now willing to shut up and start a new.
Still a long journey though.
God give me strength.

0 Thank GOD for Friends

I
thank the one ABOVE
for showering me
with great friends

They scream
They get mad
They listen
They give a helping hand

Things may be a mess
But they lessen my distress

Friends, friends
I am with
big thanks!

0 And so the wind blows

If in time this does not go well with us...
Let me just say this

Thank you
for the
honesty
openness
and
the love.

It may be short lived
we may surpass the test of times

who knows?

Not me.
Not you.

But then again

THANK YOU!

0 Ang Pumatol...Talo

Ginising ako ng isang text message.
Kasinungalingan sa mga panahong napagtanto ko na ang katotohanan.

Pagmamakaawa
Pagsusumamo
O maaari din namang " emotional blackmail"

Kahit ano pang sabihin mo
Hindi ako patitinag.
Meron akong ebidensya

Hindi ako nananagasa.
Hindi ako nananapak.
Hindi ako nang-aagaw.

Ikaw
mag-isip ka
ginugulo mo ba ko dahil sa panghihinayang?
dahil sa pagiging makasarili?
o maari din namang sa parehong dahilan.

At muli't muli tama nga ang mga maalam
Ang pagsisisi lagi na'y asa huli...

0 Tandem

Chaotic the situation may seem
But you and me will remain a team

You'll fly, yes, you'll take time, yes
But that ain't synonymous
To saying goodbye

Our plans are still our plans
Slowing down yes we must

In time
God's time
We will know
How it would really be...

0 Ibang direksyon

Umihip na ba ang hangin?
Tumalikod na ba sa akin ang simoy o
nakikihamok pa rin kami sa lakas ni Habagat?

Baka naman ako nalang
ang ganito
ang lumalaban
mag-isa.

0 Palaisipan

Nababagabag. Yun ang nararamdaman ko sa ngayon. May mga suliraning gusto ng matapos. Mga tanong na gustong masagot. Alam ko kinakailangan ng konti pang panahon para matapos ang lahat. Ngunit minsan, nakakaramdam na rin naman ng pagkapagal ang isip, ng pagkahapo ang puso. Minsan, ninanais ko na lang sumuko, bumitiw, tumakbo. Pero isa yung karuwagan. 

Kung susuriin ang mga pananaw ng mga tao sa palgid, lahat sila'y nagbibigay ng pag-asa na maayos din ang lahat. Pero mas ninais kong ilapit nalang sa Panginoon ang mga problema. 

0 The Storm

Rain has started to pour on us
Strongly
Hard winds blowing
Strongly
Lightning and thunder has made its presence known
Strongly

We will surpass this
We will survive
At a rainbow we will gaze
A sunshine we'll embrace

0 Tears

Again, it invades my eyes and flows non-stop.
Just when I thought I already had enough.

When will my tear ducts ever dry up?

Am about to surrender
So please, give me a reason to hold on
To fight
And to still believe in love.

0 Down

Hormonal?
Emotional?

Maybe.

One thing is for sure.

Am blue.

0 Blame it on GranMa

Thanks to the borrowed courage from GranMa I was able to tell him how I feel.
Good thing there were no awkward morning after conversations about it.

Never again will I drink GranMa. It is a promise.

1 Recovery

A week after the mind boggling comprehensive exams, am still barking like a dog (not good) though I (think) I already had enough rest to relax my thoughts of any Communication related concepts and what nots.

Hell yeah, a few more days and I'll be completing most of my papers.


Btw, chopping of some of my crowning glory's unwanted inches and shaping my unibrow made me feel lighter than ever. Though my frizzy hair is still a prob, I am, however, loving the riot of my curls...think I have to buy a good ol' round hairbrush and a good styling product to tame the mane. :)

0 Appreciation

A reason to enjoy my work (no matter how shitty it could be at times)

Working at your own pace
In your own comfort zone

Just like now.

The busy streets of Makati on the background+hot tea+free wifi access+great sounds = chillaxing work mode

Simple, yes.
Shallow, yes.
Tranquil, definitely. :)

0 Tiny Creations Called Babies

Visiting a nursery and seeing little adorable babies makes me envy green of their parents. Wish I could have one without experiencing the pains of labor and delivery. Oh well, there is adoption but they say seeing the face of your child suffices all the birth pains a mom endures.

Too my future Aykah or Itoh...
In time my dearest, we will be together...:)

0 And she joins the world

She's almost at the finish line. Zooming out to nine months of wait while zooming in to years of motherhood.

Congratulations!