0 Starry Starry Night

Doomed.

Birth borrowed

Fate ill destined

Identity copied

From a Vincent that never shined.

Dropped school

Worked and wondered

Finding passion; seeking reason

In an existence denied

Am a forgotten progeny

That no one hears

Dark as the night, the road I lead

Ascetic I resolved

Forgot the shaving, forgot bathing

Dealt with Him, I, a paranoid schizoid

Moralizing His profundity

Still, no one listens

Mutilated lobe

A piece of me

Priceless dowry of ardor

To Sien by the brothel

Rubbished emotion

Am I heard? No, not at all

Theo and Gaugin

Bade in the midnight of my sorrows

Palette and brush

Rekindles dying flames

Inside this pitch black poke

Staring to the starry night

With the taste of tube paint on my lips

An attempt to submit into the voices within

Ending this misery I do pray,

But still nobody would want to listen.

Silver bullet unto my chest

Ended bouts of paranoia and delusion

In this cradle I lay

Soaking in red

Deserted

I mouth

"Sadness will last forever"

Eyes closed; feet flat

A portrait of surrender

0 My New Blankie

Comfy blankie from mamye ... thankies! :)

Signing Off ... ZZZzzz ... Nytie!

0 Red Letter Day '08

How did my red letter day went? Well, I know its darn too late to post this but I got all so caught up with a lot of things to do ... awww... so sad. Anyway, here's my blow by blow account.

Mawnin

I got up pretty early and greeted all the people celebrating the same red letter day as I do: my kid bro (who is five years younger) and twin sistah by birth date Zane (she's two hours older than me.) :) It is great to have people you truly love to spend the same great day with you.

Since it was still SB observation week, I wore a purple knitted turtle neck top. Kewl! Honestly, I was not in the mood to work. I was a bit sleepy... hihihi!

To my surprise, the SB team gave me a:

dan...dan...dan...dan

A scrumptious chocolate dome cheesecake

The cake's appearance alone made my mouth water. Yum! Am such a sweet tooth. It was very thoughtful of them to remember that my birthday's never complete without a cake. *tears*

Then I met my mom and my bro for a festive dinner @ macapagal seafood market. yummy!

two days later:

I had my celebration with the joinx! at tiendisitas. It was cool to celebrate dinner with the guys and their pets. And it was nice to know that they're all in a happy and stable relationship. Big bro Homer anticipated my pet, but there was no such thing as "my pet." It all ended up in a booze party... kewl!

0 Hell Day!

kewl! I surpassed hell day! yahoo!

actually my day didn't start quite right. got shoved at the MRT, which caused my backache then cut stop at the elevator, waited for around 15 minutes. once I got on my seat, the team told me not to take a look at the scores which was way unacceptable. christ!

hmmm... what else... observation followed. bad news, it was a slow GMA day. talking about bad luck! whatelse?! i run out of load and my friends told me I cant have my moolah yet. :( am freakin' broke!

tomorrow's my red letter day, hope I be blessed with a lil luck...

0 my first laid back weekend

I had a really fun weekend before I faced hell week. Mye and Meann were @ mt place an we get to uber bond. Saturday ended as one "hintayan and sunduan day." Tiring it may seem to be, it ended up fun, fun, fun. Strolled glorietta, watchd a bit of Kyla's performance (which Mye missed due to some office tangles), ate our hearts out then Rhon joined us for some games. We went home @ midnight, had some booze sessions, got drunk then slept till late Sunday mawnin.

Sunday was a laid back day. We all had a i-dont-wanna-think-about work mode. Mye helped me do the laundry. Every meal was hearty, thanks to yours truly. Then meann woke up from her miday nap and joined me in watching "Before Sunrise." OMG! It really made me inis and sad and kilig...

Afternoon coffee. Then hearty sinigang for dinner, then hmmm....

Mye and I had some serious talk about life, the future and what we wanted our lives to be. It was a heartfelt moment.

Monday mawnin, we all have to leave early... They have to go to work. Mye's flight to Ilocos was scheduled @ midnight, while I have to be early for work because it Jess and the new boss will be coming over for a four day stay.

Things were really fun. The laid back moment has given me time to just relax. I wish I can replicate the same weekend again...

0 What will happen next?

Two days more before hell week begins. Seriously, am having mixed emotions... :(

Hope this weekend will be a whole lot of fun before I get grilled Wednesday...

Am starting to dread the coming of my red-letter day.

And I still have a whole load of assignment to finish.

This is driving me nucking futs!

What will happen next, only Him can tell.

0 round up...

what have transpired last week? hmmm...

~got an unexpected message from coj friday, he shared to me his latest toy, a DSLR (wish I have one too...)
~had my tour de manila ... shopped some goodies, had my mom's stitches framed
~ laid back moment while waiting for mye and tupe @ starbucks. got myself comfy @ one of the couches while sipping a venti green tea frapp and reading jessica zafra's twistd travels.
~ bonded with mye and her best friend tupe till the wee hours of the mawnin @ starbucks sykes q.ave
~sunday: domesticated mode: laundry, cooked lunch and ironed my office clothes for the coming week.

waaaahhh! i miss traveling.... :(

0 post New Year drama...

Seriously, my new year started way too different than I expected. 'Twas chaotic.
I had a misunderstanding with someone who I haven't seen for the longest time. You see, New year for me was always a time for myself, to be crazy, to contemplate and to do things my way... and this year, I chose to celebrate it with the family of one of the dearest person in my life. But things turned sour when my mom texted me, informing me she was coming home to celebrate new year with me and my bro. not that I don't want to be n her company, but my family is not the kind who celebrates new year ... so I decided to continue my plan, though I already informed my friend that I might just come over. But as the time neared hitting 12, with the dilemma whether to go home or not, I decided to stick with my original plan of merry making with my friend's family.

I love the feeling whenever they treat me like one of them. Tita, actually the whole family, never failed to make me feel like I was a part of their own. Twas' relieving 'coz for the past 3 or 4 years, I celebrate new year alone either at my place or at work. And breaking the monotony of celebrating alone while still being able to think of what I plan to do the coming year was really a breather.After all the fireworks an the booze, 2 hours after midnight, as I was about to cap of the night and get ready to change to my sleep clothes, my friend decided to send me home, telling me that I should be at home because my mom's there. Shocked was an understatement. Yes I know what she told me makes perfect sense but it was really out of the blue. We had a little exchange of bargaining. I even heard tita saying, "if she doesn't want to go home, an she's enjoying herself here, don't force her, it wouldn't make her happier." But, knowing my friend, she prevailed. Before I left, tita even asked me, "Are you sure you really want to go home already, you can stay... " I just shook my head, kissed her goodbye and said, "Ihahatid na po nila ako eh, I'll be okay," but deep within ... I am disheartened. They drove me home at around three in the morning. On our way home, (as if we are not seated side by side) I sent a message to my friend regarding how bad it felt to be dumped ... she replied it was the right thing to do, coz' its new year. I can't remember what exactly she said, all I can remember is that it was about being happy... which I replied "am not." When they dropped me off, just as expected, there was nothing special at my place. We didn't make the usual beso we are used to, and I know I was rude coz I didn't even uttered thanks to the one who drove me home. Then I heard her sorry, but I was too deaf at that moment to hear it. Bro was outside somewhere drinking with his homies, mom's, well, asleep (tired from her travel), and dad as well.

That night, I was the only one up. I can't play loud music, enough to shake the whole place coz I'll wake them up. When I went to check my mom, I decided to sleep beside her, what she muttered was "umaga na ah... buti hindi ka naisgrasa sa putukan..." then turned her back and continued her sleep. I was mindless that morning, and since I was intoxicated with Red Horse, I drifted into a deep slumber.

My morning wake up call started with a bang... seriously! My mom was nagging... what the?! It was way way bad... and it was serious. My bro and I couldn't do anything but silently pray with hopes the nagging would end. Knowing my mom, I know she'll stop but the whole nagging thing lasted for hours. whew! Funny but after all th sermon, she said "hala, kain na..." good thing she pacified.

What happened after in our household that day was a mix of old things dumped in the biggest garbaged bag I have ever seen,

0 friggin' new year!

yeah! it's friggin 2008 already! so what is in store for this year? (this year is my year... RAT!!!)

i just hope I can stay as tough or even tougher...

to all my homies: keep on rockin'!

signing on 2008...

0 Feliz año nuevo!

Have a prosperous New Year y'all!

0 sadness from within there is...

Am missing a lot of people lately, people whom I used to laugh and share jokes with. I really hate the feeling of being alone and take for granted. It kills me whenever I miss someone yet I know the timing isn't right. I almost cried a tear at the MRT early today anticipating that I'll be seeing people dear to me ... but reality bites, still, it's me myself and I.

I pray that for this year, this will be the final blow of loneliness. And if I could just make a wish... I'd highly appreciate a line or two informing me that hey am still alive and kickin' ass.

:'(

0 Post Christmas drama

what have transpired during the 25th:

~won some moolah from that crazy "upo, tayo" game
~laughed my ass out while watching my cousins made a fool of themselves playing that game of aiming the bbq stick tied around the waist inside 5 soft drink bottles
~got dario (the squirrel mobile pouch from kaye), a green tea hand wash from czarina,
~had tequila session with, still, my cousins... (after all, bringing carrying it on my back for hours was worth it. my crazy kuya even called me manager after giving them the bottle... crazy guy, i guess he already was too drunk)
~gave presents to my adorable pamangkins, took pictures of them, played a little habulan that unfolds the inner child in me... (i just love it when they kiss you after receiving their presents... unfortunately, it will also leave some saliva marks on your cheeks... but it was all great)

0 hAppY hOLidaYs

Before I wrap things up and head home to my dear motha...

Lemme greet all my homies...

Merry Christmas!

1 Ang bus nga naman...

Lunes, pagkatapos ng mahabang araw sa opisina,sumama akong maghapunan sa aking mga ka-opisina. Sarap ng kain, sarap ng kwentuhan, pare-pareho naming di namalayang dis-oras na pala ng gabi. At sa pagbaba ng aking ka-opisina sa Boni nagsimula ang lahat...

Bumaba ako ng Shaw, naghanda sa pag-aabang sa bus na pa-Malinta Exit. sumilong ako sa waiting shed, at habang naghihintay, nilibang ko ang aking sarili sa pakikinig sa programa ni King DJ Logan. Ninamnam ko ang bawat kanta habang matamaang inaabangan ang pagdating ng bus. Lumipas ang mga minuto, dumaan ang kung may ilang bus ngunit wala pa rin ang aking pinakaiintay. Siguro nga'y pinagtatawanan na ako ni ateng nagtitinda ng yosi't kendi dahil sa dami ng dumaan, matiyaga pa rin akong naghintay. Nagpalakad-lakad, nagpabalik-balik, ngunit bigo pa rin akong makasakay. Alam kong magmamadaling araw na, malapit na ring matapos ang programa ni KDL, ngunit andoon pa rin ako, naghihintay. Umusal ako ng panalangin ... ngunit ako'y bigo. Hanggang sa may samu't saring diwang biglang nagsalimbayan sa aking isip.

Bigla na lang sumagi sa aking pagal na kasipan, ang paghihintay pala ng bus ay parang pag-ibig. Oo, alam ko nakakatawa. Pero isipin mo, di ba naghihintay ka rin? Nagbabakasakaling baka may dumating. Pag may dumating, minsan magiging isang maligayang karanasan ito at makakarating ka ng matiwasay sa iyong patutunguhan. Maaari ka rin namang matatagtag sa masalimuot na mga daan. Minsan, pwede kang pumili, minsan naman, sa tumal ng pagdaan nila, nagkakasya ka na lang sa kahit anong dumaan. O dili kaya, katulad ng nangyari sa akin ng gabing yun, sumuko na ko't sumakay sa ibang biyahe sa tagal ng paghihintay.

Ang nangyari saki'y isang mahabang paghihintay na may kalakip na pag-asa't panalangin na may daraan pa. Isang bus na ihahatid ako ng diretso sa aking patutunguhan. Oo, may dumaan, Malinta exit, pero hanggang doon lang, at hindi sa dapat kong patunguhan.

Minsan maiisip mo, sayang ang panahon ng paghihintay, paghihintay na ang dinulot ay sakit sa binti at paltos sa paa. Sanay hindi ka na umasang may darating pang byahe ... pero sa mga pangyayaring tulad noon, dun ka matututo. Yun ang huhubog sa iyo para sa susunod, alam mo ng gagawin.

At ng matapos ang isang oras na paghihintay at isa't kalahating oras na biyahe, nakarating na rin ako ng matiwasay sa aming tahanan.

0 weLcOmE darLo

I know its a bit late, but I just wanna say that having darLo around is good... :) and december 8 will always be memorable. darLo will stay, that's for sure... darLo makes my life rock and never fails to keep me connected... wait... curious about darLo? all I can say is that darLo's special...

If I find time to upload darLo's pic, I'll be happy to post one... ;)

ciao!


this is darL0:

0 Waiting for the lift

Elevator was jam packed early today ... took forever to get to the 41st floor unlike in this one (ooppsss, R-18 for this photo)

And while I pray that the elevator would stop straight at the 41st floor, ironically, it did not. It have to stop at each floor. :(

0 at the end of the rainbow, there's a pot of gold

Last week was a total disaster. I lost my dear phone on Tuesday. (MRT sucks, really) Some android from outer space tried invading my privy life... (sorry, am way too sober now) and somehow I get way out of budget... (lost some moolah there...)

But hell would I be bothered?

Sure I miss my phone, it's the first brand new mobile I bought out of my paycheck, and I miss the songs saved on the MP3...
however...

My friend's mom just proposed last Friday that I use her card to buy a new freakin' phone. How's that for a Christmas present? Who wouldn't be motivated to work with that kind of reward. Am also planning to grab as much Starbucks coffee as I can so that I'll be able to redeem my planner. Yahoo!

And though I know it would be a tough Monday, I still attended the Grand Marian procession Sunday and danced my ass, clapped and shouted "Sa Birhen!" together with almost every Pakileño and my dear bro and mom, who just like, me invaded the streets of Intramuros and offering prayers and hopes to our Lady of Sorrows or known to my native town as Birhen ng Turumba. (by the way, it was mom's birthday too, so I had to offer extra wishes and prayers for her. )

And the best of this week is yet to come...

~moolah on Friday
~drinking marathon aka get together with my college blockmates to cap off the week
~shopping for my new Phone...

Can't wait! :)

Ahuh

A Tribute To The Bridge…
March 23, 2006
This goes out to the ones who were faithful to their partners. Those who loved them with all that they can. To the ones who cared for their partner. To those who gave everything to them until the very end, and sometimes beyond that. To those who insisted that they are the most beautiful person in the whole world, even though they say otherwise. The person who instilled confidence where was none. To individuals who filled the void of emptiness in their hearts and yet in the very end, their partners would say, “I’m not good enough for you.” “It didn’t work out” and followed by the words “I’ve found someone new.”

To the ones who were left broken hearted but kept their head high. To the ones who made their former partners a better person to be with. A tribute goes out to the people who became the bridge for someone else. To the ones who thanked for being to “perfect” and was wished that someone better would come along. Someone, who was better than them, was assured would come along. Yet, the bridge returns to the cycle of being who they are.

This tribute goes out to those who could only hope that their current relationship would end like they planned and that for their dreams to be fulfilled.
Someone else better will come along. we could only hope and wish.

How ironic? Would you believe that I got this post from someone whom little did the person knew that he has done the same thing...Now I realize, wheels do turn...bad news though, I was the one at the receiving end... :(

1 My Birthdate Means:

Your Birthdate: January 31

You're a pretty traditional person. If it's lasted, it's probably good. You seek stability - both in your career and your romantic relationship. In return, you're very loyal and predictable. Which is usually a good thing. Without a partner, you feel lost. Being with someone is very important to you. Your strength: Your dependability Your weakness: You hate being alone Your power color: Midnight blue Your power symbol: Shell Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

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